Gratefully Unsure (surrender)

Stagnant, yet somehow propelling forward beyond my capability to keep pace with.
Yet i am trusting that i will gravitate to exactly were i need to be, exactly when needed.
After all i am here to be of service, and to do so sincerely seems to require an ability to release one-self entirely.
For one man is never enough on his own, and if one man is honest enough with himself, he comes to see that he is never just one man.
I feel as if i go through momentous change every other week while staring baffled at how others around me stay as they have always been!
Reluctant to traverse into new possibilities, like a faze they are certain will come full circle.
For me a faze fades quicker than it began, leaving me almost no time to settle.
Always in some form of discomfort, meaning always in development, always growing.
You might think that it would be quite alarming shifting so frequently, but frankly,
Id be more worried if i wasn't, if i was truly stagnant. 
Though maybe that is my faze in and of itself, creating them as swiftly as i can conjure?
The Fazer, if you will. ;)
Cool superhero name but as a lot of you know, the life of a superhero can be quite lonely.
You see it can be disturbing for others to see you as someone other than who they thought you were.
You are used to create comfort for others, like school kids labeling themselves or others as "Jocks", "Nerds" or "Goths".
"DON'T MESS WITH THE STATUS QUO!"
Some dare to label me as selfish, but how selfish is it to trap someone in a identity box just so you don't have to deal with the fact that you might just be greater than you could ever imagine.
I'm going to borrow you here Marianne Williamson.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we powerful beyond measure."
Thank you. :)
So i find myself with this incessant question.
"Who is the conjurer?"
Who is watching this personality alter to the will of something way beyond its "my" comprehension in order to serve a purpose "i" may never grasp.
What is the extent of what "i" can know?
I'm always told that "i" can never understand, i'm told by those who have tried that it is a path that leaves many shaken.
So i pray that trusting in what "i" cannot understand narrows me down to the extent of what "i" can fathom.

MENTALLY!

Really though, isnt this "i" just getting in the way?
is it not the very thing that is preventing our true realization of what always is and always has been?

A mind is a machine that can only consume so much data until it pops,
but a soul is a stream that flows endlessly through these bodies not to be grasped by something as primitive as a brain,
but to be expressed through something as advanced as the heart...
.
I am not here to develop a person with a story that i feel is worth being told!

I am here to surrender unto life, returning all that has been blessedly bestowed upon me
so that powers beyond my own can experience, through "me" a joy greater than any of us could have predicted possible.
I am not here to be good.
I am not here to be bad.
I am not here to be happy.
I am not here to be sad.
I am not here to be funny.
I am not here to be boring.
I am not here to be anxious.
I am not here to be brave.
I am not here to be loved.
I am not here to be hated.
I am not here to be what you want.
I am not here to be what i want.
I am not here to be something.
I am not here to be nothing.
I am not here to be DYLAN!
............
I am here to be.
..........
Surrender...

:D