Piano's Or Wings

How much time can i waste till an honest gut-wrenching desire imposes itself in the eye of procrastination?

How tiresome it is to insist that an immediate joy be postponed and reserved for a "better you"? 

How is one so aware of what invokes a spark, but then proceeds to dampen the leaves? 

A maddening form self sabotage.

I can do anything! including everything i don't want. Now that's scary!

But i'm comforted by the knowing that "I have potential!"

Potential.

What a word! To possess a possibility of development, to augment what is present to bridge between this and that, here and there, one-thing and something else.Or else!?

Pressure finds a way to either squish or propel, so the question is,

 are you endowed with pianos or wings?   

I love, but i can hate, 

i don't wish to believe it but what i bear i can not, nor will i, attempt to elude. 

This is what i feel, i commemorate the discovery and reassure that its nothing to be ashamed of. 

However it is a consequential reminder of the shame i can feel if i choose to do so, knowingly or not.

Never of others, but of myself.

I hold back my judgments and ask what is so wrong with me to detect that there is anything wrong with me at all. 

Me...

 I am, me?                      "1+1 does not bring you to 1"

 ...I am. 

 I am not me.

Though in the motions of a day or a preempted moment, i surely think i am a me. 

I am...

I know i sense "should" stop there but i sense it slide, gravitating towards a craving for completion, concluding with POWERFUL, WISE, GENEROUS or even FuNnY. 

I try to deny but frankly, i find that to me, it appears deficient. 

I'm convinced this is illusion but one cannot fight their notions, as it does nothing but persist that which i wish to resist.

So accept and it shall evanesce.

So I concede. 

I will no longer deny that this is just one game i cannot win, and failure, although unnerving does not compare to the dread and endless torment that is controverting the self.

Failure, an apprise of diversion, a sign to realign, rethink and strategies.

Humans least wanted, yet their most essential.

And at the culmination of this conflict, i have lost only one thing. 

The inclination to corroborate what i pray i am not.

Because I am.

and when i find that i don't want to be,

i again see that that's exactly why,

I AM...

:D